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Wednesday, 24 February 2010


Well since last night i haven't stopped thinking about Finley and what would of been! I have felt shitty all day today...there is a saying, ''how do you miss something you never had?'' I'm not quite sure of the answer but i know one thing it is possible! I tried taking my mind off it and thinking of other things but seriously how do you??
I went to the gym and took my anger out there! And it felt good, like an outlet, i ran so hard on the treadmill and rowed so fast on the Rowing machine.....and it does make me feel better.
I think iv have been thinking allot lately cause we've got an appointment with the consultant in March and it is stressing me out a little.....we SHOULD hopefully get Finley's results back then (if we don't i will go mad, they told us 6 weeks not over 3 months!) So they are worrying me, what if their was something wrong with Finley? or me? or the placenta? All these different questions.....why when someone dies do we have so many questions?? Baffles me!
Sometimes i think, would i of been a good mum? i mean i know i would of of and do love him but would i of known how to wind/change/feed & soothe him? People say i am a mummy and i kinda feel like one but i don't know how to ''mother'' a baby all i know is to carry the baby.
I want those feelings though, i want to be able to do all those things for a baby, my baby, another baby.

Having a relaxing night with Scott tonight, gonna have a jacuzzi and then watch the soaps. :)

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