Iv been thinking allot about getting pregnant, but at this moment I'm not sure if i want another baby or its Finley i think ill be getting at the end of the pregnancy! I mean i obviously know its not going to be Finley, I'm not making sense now!
When we first found out we were pregnant, we were so shocked, scared every emotion a young couple could feel, we also thought we wasent ready for a baby, by that time we didn't have a choice Finley was on the way.....during the pregnancy we made ourselves ready, we got a house and did everything perfect for our little boy arriving, we waited until the very end, past the end and then we had nothing. We went through everything, the midwife appointments, the scans, the back ache, the fidgety legs, the baby kicking, hiccups, when he moved his arm or leg around my tummy and when he did i took it for granted, i didn't bless and saver every single moment, now i do!
Sometimes i sit back and think, what was the point? What was the point in even getting pregnant? Then i realise Finley was sent here for a reason.....he was sent to test mine and Scotts relationship to the ultimate! And we did it and are still doing it, we are getting through it. It is the hardest thing i have ever had to do but for sure i am doing it and so is Scott.
Its amazing how something like this changes you, as a person i mean, its hard to explain how but it does, it makes you appreciate your life and those close to you. You realise that clothes, shoes, holidays, bills, cars, money and trivial things don't mean anything! Its your health, that along with loved ones that count! When i was pregnant i wanted the best this and the best that, i wanted everything to be perfect for when Finley arrived and it was......he had the best nursery the best cot the best everything! But then when it came to it, he didn't have anything he never used his cot, his moses basket and his bottles. People say i should keep them for my next baby, but how? How do i feed another baby with Finley's bottles? How do i put another baby to sleep in Finley's moses basket? Even though he never used them, they were his!!
Here's a quote i thought was very accurate to ''this'' what were going through:
- A wife who looses her husband is called a widow, a husband who looses his wife is called a widower, a child who looses their parents is called an orphan, there is no word for a parent who looses a child, that's how awful the loss is.
Another quote:
- When you loose a parent its loosing your past, when you loose a child its loosing your future.
Those quotes are soo true, that's exactly how it is!
Since hearing these i have heard a name what you call a parent who looses their child:
- An Angel mummy/daddy!
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