Emotional rolercoaster!

Well this past week has been up and down.....i keep asking myself why? Why me? What have i done that's so wrong? I would of been a good mummy, i know it.....i dream about Finley and how he grows and gets older...plays in the garden, says his first word, goes to school! Why am i dreaming this? Its never going to be. I long for another baby, my doctor told me last week if i get pregnant my baby could die...(very UN-tactful) under the circumstances....he said it cause i had my MMR jab in December and i cant get pregnant for at least 3 months :( As the months go on....i want a baby more and more each day....I'll never forget Finley but in a weird kinda way i want to replace/fill that massive hole that's in my heart...in my home, my family and my arms!
People say to me, aw can you imagine what it would be like if Finley was here?!!! Ermmm cheers for that, cause no i cant!!!
Why do we always want what we cant have.....i want to try for a baby but I'm scared of something happening...what happens if i get pregnant and the baby is born asleep again, what would i do then...? Scott says i think far too much into the future..maybe i do!
One thing thing that does annoy me.......when i see people i know who have babies, i go up to them and comment how beautiful their baby is and they go all stiff and frosty....whats that about! I'm not going to kidnap their baby, iv lost my baby not my mind!

Slimming world was a downward spiral...i went and the nasty bitch who takes the sessions told me i couldn't join as i had the wrong form, i understand but whats the nastiness about! I mean if you dint know how to speak to people...don't work with the public!! So i will get the right form and then go to a different meeting...sod her!!

Valentines day this weekend...i have asked Scott for a kitten but he is still so adamant that i AINT having one..... :( Wonder what i will get?!
Well I'm off to try and sort out my gas and electric supplier out now.....damn companies wind me up!
xoxo