Trying......

Every Tuesday my therapist asks me "What kind of week have you had Elesha?" Tomorrow I seriously don't know what my answer will be! It's definitely been a weird one!
It's been 17 months since my Finley was born and changed my life forever....yet I still don't know how to act, whether I'm done with the grieving part of my life?? I sit alone and often wonder, wonder where I would be and how good of a mother I'd be to a 17 month old!? I mean now in my current thoughts I actually could never imagine myself being a mother...is that weird?! When I got pregnant with Finley I always felt my dreams had come true I had my man a baby on the way a house a job everything some people and I now now can only dream of.
I go to work and pretend I'm fine, I pretend I'm a happy go lucky "normal" 22 yr old....when really I still 17 months later feel numb, empty and a failure!
When does Grief end?
Some months all I think about is getting pregnant and having that family iv always dreamed of! I kind of rely on the plan for that, what else could I do?

People tend to be very wary of what they say in front of me I can see when the word baby is mentioned people look at me with sorrow, pity & somehow even guilt in their eyes! I want to be able to talk about my boy! After all Finley IS my son!!

Xoxo