Well it's almost my Finleys 1st birthday, I'm really starting to feel it now, I should be getting stressed over birthday presents and parties not wanting to go to sleep and wake up after the 28th!
Elwhen I think about it thus time 12 months ago my baby boy was still kicking andhavin hiccups god I wish I couldturn back time.
Finleys heart stopped on the 26th and he aS born sleeping into this world on the 28th I miss him so much!
So me ands Scott have been talking and I THINK I have persuaded him to let us start trying for another baby next year, which I'm really happy about. I want a baby so bad and I think as time has gone on iv realised i'm ready for another baby I know it's not gonna be finley and at last I feel at peace with that!
Blog soon
xoxo
Monday, 22 November 2010
Wednesday, 10 November 2010
Guess who's been promoted.......
.......ME!
Yes, i have been promoted to senior :) After 3 years of working my arse off, i have finally achieved it, i mean its not the bee all and end all, but it means alot to me, it means the managment trust me, it means im good enough :) So im really happy about the whole work situation now!
This time last year i had 8 days to go untill my life would of been complete, my boy, my Finley was due on the 18/11/2009.
He was born on the 28/11/2009, so in 18 days it will be/would be his 1st birthday......
I've been thinking about what we could do on that day and have decided i want to go out for the day, go for a nice meal with my fam and then release some lanterns at night. Send them upto my beautiful son.
I wish i had one more chance to tell him i love him, i mean do you think he knows that i do?! I never told him......ooooo regret! It eats at you!
I seem to be in a whirlwind at the moment, i feel happy, i feel content and then i remember!
My feelings are all over the place, i feel the same as i did back then i feel angry, i feel sad, hazy, not in control.....not at ease! Is that normal??
Recently a lady died who i worked with, she was our admin at work. What a wonderful lady...but again taken too soon. I also work with her daughter, my god what a girl, i couldnt even imagine what she is going through i mean my mum is my world and they were so close. She still writes little messages on her mums facebook wall, and i swear my heart aches for her. She seems so brave on the outside such a strong girl, but i understand its not strong its survival.
You have two choices when you loose somebody close, you either get through it (not over it) or you break down. Crying is NOT breaking down, my mum used to tell me tears are pearls and every cry is one less to the end of the "grief" tunnel.
R.I.P Karen. I hope your dancing with the stars.
And if you can hear me, tell Finley i love him.
The brightest star in the sky..............my boy, my Finley.
Yes, i have been promoted to senior :) After 3 years of working my arse off, i have finally achieved it, i mean its not the bee all and end all, but it means alot to me, it means the managment trust me, it means im good enough :) So im really happy about the whole work situation now!
This time last year i had 8 days to go untill my life would of been complete, my boy, my Finley was due on the 18/11/2009.
He was born on the 28/11/2009, so in 18 days it will be/would be his 1st birthday......
I've been thinking about what we could do on that day and have decided i want to go out for the day, go for a nice meal with my fam and then release some lanterns at night. Send them upto my beautiful son.
I wish i had one more chance to tell him i love him, i mean do you think he knows that i do?! I never told him......ooooo regret! It eats at you!
I seem to be in a whirlwind at the moment, i feel happy, i feel content and then i remember!
My feelings are all over the place, i feel the same as i did back then i feel angry, i feel sad, hazy, not in control.....not at ease! Is that normal??
Recently a lady died who i worked with, she was our admin at work. What a wonderful lady...but again taken too soon. I also work with her daughter, my god what a girl, i couldnt even imagine what she is going through i mean my mum is my world and they were so close. She still writes little messages on her mums facebook wall, and i swear my heart aches for her. She seems so brave on the outside such a strong girl, but i understand its not strong its survival.
You have two choices when you loose somebody close, you either get through it (not over it) or you break down. Crying is NOT breaking down, my mum used to tell me tears are pearls and every cry is one less to the end of the "grief" tunnel.
R.I.P Karen. I hope your dancing with the stars.
And if you can hear me, tell Finley i love him.
The brightest star in the sky..............my boy, my Finley.
Wednesday, 3 November 2010
So much inbetween.......
WOW i seriuosly need to pay this blog more attention......my last blog was August 6th!! NEGLECTED! haha.
So what i have i been up to since?!
My birthday: Was fab!
My holiday: Was fab, hotel was a little "shite" but we made the most of it and loved our time there. We met some really nice people :)
Work: Well that is a subject, the day after i came back off holiday i got a call from one of the interviews id been to before i went, they were offering me the job, it was to work with Young disabled adults with Huntingtons and brain injury. So i ACCEPTED! I handed my notice in at work and was all set to start at the new job on the 8th November......then i changed my mind. I figured it was only 7p an hour more than what im on now, and i wouldn't be able to take my "unfinished" NVQ 3 with me. So i revoked my notice :)
Well they do say its a womans perogative to change her mind haha. Just not 1 week before i was leaving! Oh well. As they say the grass isnt always greener!
The baby situation: I am feeling very broody at the moment.....alot of people i know are having babies!
I think also it has alot to do with it's almost a year since Finley was born. This time last year i had 15 days untill my due date, we were sooo excited and scared all at the same time, WE, me and Scott were finally going to get to meet our little Prince, we were finally going to see this brand new baby who we'd made out of love and who had made us so happy for 40 whole weeks, who we'd both felt kick and hiccup in my tummy (and who'd also made his mummy look like a WHALE) haha. Then devastation!
Now me and Scott SHOULD be planning Finley's 1st birthday party and getting all little presents for our boy, BUT we are deciding what to do on our Baby boy's 1st Angelversary! What i would give.........
Since my last blog i have got ANOTHER doggy, so now we have 2!! Must be bloody mad haha!
Fuddles & Cocoa! Their sisters and are great :)
Loving all the attitude on FB at the moment.....people take it so seriously! It's a Social Networking site not your freaking Day-to-day diary! #justsayin.
xoxo
So what i have i been up to since?!
My birthday: Was fab!
My holiday: Was fab, hotel was a little "shite" but we made the most of it and loved our time there. We met some really nice people :)
Work: Well that is a subject, the day after i came back off holiday i got a call from one of the interviews id been to before i went, they were offering me the job, it was to work with Young disabled adults with Huntingtons and brain injury. So i ACCEPTED! I handed my notice in at work and was all set to start at the new job on the 8th November......then i changed my mind. I figured it was only 7p an hour more than what im on now, and i wouldn't be able to take my "unfinished" NVQ 3 with me. So i revoked my notice :)
Well they do say its a womans perogative to change her mind haha. Just not 1 week before i was leaving! Oh well. As they say the grass isnt always greener!
The baby situation: I am feeling very broody at the moment.....alot of people i know are having babies!
I think also it has alot to do with it's almost a year since Finley was born. This time last year i had 15 days untill my due date, we were sooo excited and scared all at the same time, WE, me and Scott were finally going to get to meet our little Prince, we were finally going to see this brand new baby who we'd made out of love and who had made us so happy for 40 whole weeks, who we'd both felt kick and hiccup in my tummy (and who'd also made his mummy look like a WHALE) haha. Then devastation!
Now me and Scott SHOULD be planning Finley's 1st birthday party and getting all little presents for our boy, BUT we are deciding what to do on our Baby boy's 1st Angelversary! What i would give.........
Since my last blog i have got ANOTHER doggy, so now we have 2!! Must be bloody mad haha!
Fuddles & Cocoa! Their sisters and are great :)
Loving all the attitude on FB at the moment.....people take it so seriously! It's a Social Networking site not your freaking Day-to-day diary! #justsayin.
xoxo
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